Overcoming Jealousy

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I had that moment yesterday, the one you're not supposed to have. When you meet someone who is so herself, unapologetic about her life choices and strongly rooted in her ways. The caring person that seems genuinely interested in what you are saying. The ambitious person who is incredibly knowledgeable and seems to have a fabulous career. 

And I thought, I want to be her.  

Why do we do this to ourselves? Especially women, though I see it in men too, often tend to envy beautiful sprits we meet rather than learning from these people, embracing them or at the very least congratulating them for being wonderful. What is it about someone else being so fully themselves that makes us feel like we are less than ourselves?

The lovely Gabrielle Bernstein says in this situation we should (I'm paraphrasing) see the traits we are envious of as motivators for change in our own life. Easier said than done. 


Lately I feel like this is something I have gotten a lot better at. I don't post "Jealous!" on my friend's instagram picture of a fabulous beach vacation. I try to be the first to say "I'm so happy for you" when a friend tells me she got a new job even if I am also on the job hunt. When I see someone in the most blissful, Disney-eque relationship, I don't try to outdo them by boasting about how great my relationship is. 

Sometimes, like last night, you meet someone that has, in some way, surpassed the level you have set for yourself that determines your success or at least adequacy. Maybe the person you're jealous of is younger, or a rockstar in your dream career, or has a hot bod. Depending on which parts of yourself feel most inadequate at the time it could a combination of all of these. 

How do we transition our thought patterns from jealousy to congratulatory? Why does meeting someone who is successful in some way make us want to abandon our own goals and successes? 

Last night when this feeling came up for me, I acknowledged it, allowed myself to feel a little taken aback for a moment and then to get over it went through a quick list of the things that I am most thankful for in my life right now. 

Envy and longing are difficult feelings to overcome. At some points in my life I would not have been able to get over them in the span of the evening. But I've come to realize that I even though someone's life seems great, or someone seems to be particularly funny or charming, there is no amount of jealousy that will make me more like them.

What do you do to overcome jealousy in social situations?