This year is the first year I haven't thought about whether I look my age on my birthday. I have always thought 26 seemed old. 26 is on the the later side of wisdom where people have their life together and concrete plans for their futures. I assumed by the time I got here I would be in that position too but like my mom says "never assume!". It turns out I don't know what it feels like to have your life together and it's becoming increasingly apparent that I'm the type of person who never will.
So this year when I got ready for birthday dinner with my love I didn't think does this make me look 26? (It seems a side affect of getting older is that I'm increasingly bad a telling how old someone is so I'm not sure what 26 really looks like anyway.) I put on my favorite dress, did my hair in a quick braid, swiped on some lipstick and said this is what I look like. I don't know how it compares to other people at this age but it's me now and I like it.
I spend much of my time wondering what it's like to be full of wisdom. I excel at creating fantasy worlds for my life that include a much older version of myself centering on the idea that when I reach such and such milestone I will officially feel like I've made it. If I have learned anything at 26 it is that I should strongly doubt such a moment will every occur.
This blog is my attempt to slow down. To stop fantasizing about a time that is in no way guaranteed. An attempt to take stock of the beauty and goodness that I often ignore. To turn my worries into curiosity and be thrilled with the unfolding of it all.
